just a dream

i dreamed last night and i saw you. your face is different from the way i remember you. you are not smiling but you’re just looking at me, straight to my eyes. you didn’t talk either, you were just there, listening to all my selfish thoughts and complaints. we walked and walked into the darkness. we even took a picture and i even told you the story when all of us were crying because we lost you, we missed you. how can i forget that day, you made me cry like i thought i would never stop. i held your hand while we walked, and then you’re gone. you vanished just like that. then i was chased by a man i couldn’t recognize. i just ran until i crossed the road, and then i left.

i cried again after waking up, not because it’s a bad dream. it’s because after so long, you visited me once again. in my dreams, you were always there. i do not feel alone. your presence makes me feel that i should never give up, and life must go on. i wish i could just stay with you, i wish i can remember your answer when i asked you last night if you’re still mad at me, for ignoring you when you needed me the most.

i always wish i could be with you again, talk and laugh with you again. maybe it will not be difficult to face these decisions alone, with you by my side. i always hope that you can hear me every time i pray. i know that this visit means a lot, because i’ve been asking you what shall i do for several months now.

i’m too selfish that i am not letting you go, i want you to be happy up there, but please, look over me and be my angel.

thank you tums and i love you. no words can express how much i missed you. i’m sorry if i wasn’t able to go when i went back to Ph. i’m sorry that i am too lazy to go out and i had too many excuses.

i’m sorry i am still hurting whenever i remember you and what i should have done but i didn’t do.

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