to where you are, can I come?

a pause from my travelling notes.

at the moment, i am listening to Josh Groban’s song “To where you are” and at the same time, like all other times.. i think about you. i’m being unfair to feel the need of reaching you whenever I feel this way. it would be nice if i can tell you things which i always neglect to do when you were still around. in two days it will be 6 years and 3 months and i’m still in the same chaos. did i not learn anything tums?

i wanted to relax a little, forget that i need to be connected to the ‘world’ to be able to be part of it. i just need to connect myself to myself. does that even make sense? maybe.

i decided to start blogging to gain extra income but being me, i never really get started on anything. i don’t really have the capacity to be an influencer or to really explore out of my boundaries. i know i can try, but i know too that i cannot force it too much specially if you have a lot of things on hand. in two months time, i will be back in my free account without any domain. such a shame but i maybe just really need something like this as an outlet, not as a business (another excuse).

you see, life sometimes is a bittersweet pill that is hard to swallow. i don’t know what i’m mumbling now. just the thought of “I need to air this out” since I am the only person who can understand what’s really going on in my goddamn brain that doesn’t stop overthinking.

i just feel exhausted, with all the roller coaster of emotions these days and when i think rationally, my problems are so negligible with the problems of others, but should i even care so much about them when I can’t even take care of my own?

building something, destroying something. i’m back to square one. it’s like i crumbled my own walls to put it back again once more. i’m tired of the delusions i created in my brain.

i need to refocus once more and get back on track as what i always used to do. reality really bites, and it hurts.

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The world is full of ‘what ifs’ so I’m on my journey of seeing and exploring where my life can take me. Every single good thing in the world is worth trying. 🎡📸✈️

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