a pause from my travelling notes.
at the moment, i am listening to Josh Groban’s song “To where you are” and at the same time, like all other times.. i think about you. i’m being unfair to feel the need of reaching you whenever I feel this way. it would be nice if i can tell you things which i always neglect to do when you were still around. in two days it will be 6 years and 3 months and i’m still in the same chaos. did i not learn anything tums?
i wanted to relax a little, forget that i need to be connected to the ‘world’ to be able to be part of it. i just need to connect myself to myself. does that even make sense? maybe.
i decided to start blogging to gain extra income but being me, i never really get started on anything. i don’t really have the capacity to be an influencer or to really explore out of my boundaries. i know i can try, but i know too that i cannot force it too much specially if you have a lot of things on hand. in two months time, i will be back in my free account without any domain. such a shame but i maybe just really need something like this as an outlet, not as a business (another excuse).
you see, life sometimes is a bittersweet pill that is hard to swallow. i don’t know what i’m mumbling now. just the thought of “I need to air this out” since I am the only person who can understand what’s really going on in my goddamn brain that doesn’t stop overthinking.
i just feel exhausted, with all the roller coaster of emotions these days and when i think rationally, my problems are so negligible with the problems of others, but should i even care so much about them when I can’t even take care of my own?
building something, destroying something. i’m back to square one. it’s like i crumbled my own walls to put it back again once more. i’m tired of the delusions i created in my brain.
i need to refocus once more and get back on track as what i always used to do. reality really bites, and it hurts.